Oh happy days, it’s 2011, lets kick things off with a bang in the form of bombshell Victoria Silvstedt. Her amazing body has been around for a while (she was discovered by Hugh Hefner in 1996) and she doesn’t mind flaunting it. The Swedish born model/television personality actually poked me on Facebook the other day but I ignored her. Girls want what they cant have right? Wait, I’ve just been informed that it was a fake profile and probably wasn’t her. Damn you Mark Zuckerberg *shakes fist in air*.

Join Adriana Lima backstage where pouting, powder and posing rules baby. Always wanted to be a fly on the wall at a Victoria’s Secret parade? You’re in the right place. Step right this way. You’re welcome.

Check out this ferociously hot post of South African supermodel, Candice “I’m not really real, I’m constructed from Avatar’s epic CGI technology” Swanepoel in various skimpy bikinis in Hawaii. She ranks #1 on Google as far as hot supermodels in bikinis goes.

I’ve never seen a perfect human being before, therefore I’m not really sure how I should act. Do I kill a fish and offer it to her as a sacrifice and hint towards my love to putting fishy things near my mouth? Or maybe I should take my pants off and perform a hip thrusting rain dance complete with my special version of fake rain? Either way I’m ending up with a restraining order aren’t I. If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. You can purchase my 250 page coffee table book full of my hilarious restraining orders coming soon exclusively online!

Remember Izabel Goulart, she’s the Victoria Secret model we posted the other day but still don’t know much about. Don’t worry though people, I am going to dedicate the rest of my breathing life to find out more. Take a look at these trouser tent pitching pics while I do some creepy online stuff, I mean research. First things first though, where the hell are my pants? The electrician fixing our printer here in the office is starting to wig out. He’s refusing to high five me until I have pants on. Get with the times man, nobody wears pants while researching girls on the internet. Right?

I apologize for my misleading title. There’s not a beach ball in sight and I’m feeling pretty guilty about it. My cruel trick wasn’t funny to all the beach ball spotters out there and I acknowledge that. To make up for it I present you with the gorgeous Francoise Boufhal. She was in Brazil a couple months back and here’s the results of that trip. And yes, they’re real.

Join one of the hottest ladies on the planet, Candice Swanepoel, as she talks about her life before becoming a supermodel. She was born October 20, 1988 in Mooi River, KwaZulu-Natal, and was spotted by a model scout in a Durban flea market at age 15.

By age 16, Swanepoel was earning 5,000 Euros for a day’s work. If that isn’t straight hustling, I don’t know what is. Check out the video below for more.

Celebrating 40 years of Page 3 nakedness with Rosie Jones, The Sun Newspaper has put together something a little special for the men out there. Enjoy gentlemen. And if you have no idea what this is a parody of, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Shock Mansion: Thanks heaps for your time, how have you been?

Krystle Lina: I’ve been awesome!

Shock Mansion: Fill us in on Krystle Lina, what do you do and how long have you been
doing it?

Krystle Lina: I’m a model, host & professional shopper. Been shopping my whole
life, been modeling & hosting the past 5 years.

As a successful hair salon owner and stylist, the environment in which she works allows Jai to express her creativity, sexuality and sensuality with her edgy style, piercings and tattoos. But the true secret to her success? “Never taking life to seriously.”

Shock Mansion: Thanks heaps for your time, how have you been?

Berenger Rose: Anytime! I have been really well, thanks for asking.

Shock Mansion: Fill us in on Berenger, what do you do and how long have you been doing it?

Berenger Rose: I’m a glamor model, and have been in the industry for almost 4 years now.

Born of Coasta Rican and European descent, Los Angeles native Sarah Stage has to be one of the hottest models we’ve seen that doesn’t work for Victoria’s Secret. After coming in as the runner up in an Elite Model Management, Stage moved to Milan, Italy to pursue her career as a high fashion model. And as far as we can tell, mission success! Follow her on Twitter and tell her we sent you.

This may very well be the best post in all the land. So please be patient while it loads up its sweet sweet eye candy goodness. I recommend you race down to the chemist and pick up some clear eyes, because you’ll be staring at this for a while. Trust me…my eyes have reached bleeding point.