Damn

When you don’t have a shower head and you want to see what all the fuss is about. Poor girl is thirsty as a mother f**ker. Right after she busts off, someone needs to wrap her in a blanket and help her to the hospital. Maybe give her a grilled cheese sandwich or something.

Finger

There should be more accordion music in porn. He had perfect comedic timing arriving like that. Too bad the sign wasn’t for bangers and mash. Lets face it, if you’re from the UK you’ve slipped the finger in public at least once right?

Zappy

Imagine trying to get this girl to orgasm. Remember kids. There are heroes and there are legends. Heroes are remembered, but legends never die. She might also have decreased, to total lack of sensation post breast augmentation. But also drugs.

DogDog2

Masked thieves killed three family dogs with harpoons and an electrical spear to steal them to be served on the dining plate. The first dog was believed to have been electrocuted by the long spear which had cables connected to a power pack on the man’s back. The second dog appears to be killed with an arrow from a harpoon type gun which was visibly implanted on its side as it gets dragged away. Bastards!

Streak2Streak

Context is everything. Guy sitting there in a shirt but no pants: F**ken weirdo. Guy tossing off shirt to run around fully naked on a field: F**ken hero. They kept telling him to put his pants on but he never gave up on his dream! R.I.P to the first security guards ankles. That juke was amazing.

Hot2Hot

32-year-old Nora Byron was caught on video ‘f**king up’ a rude customer’s hot dog. The surveillance video shot in the preparation area of a Modesto restaurant depicting a waitress inserting a hot dog into her nether regions has gone viral over the weekend. It’s moments like this that make me remember “oh yeah, we’re all just nasty f**king monkeys who learned how to make fire once.” I appreciate that she stopped and made sure we got a good view though.

WTF2WTF

Due to mature content, viewer discretion is advised. Allegedly captured from a red room live stream on the dark web. That was 50% terrifying and 50% hilarious. Now women can finally understand what a man has to go through. No more excuses.

Trend

Grace Kelly. Audrey Hepburn. Marilyn Monroe. Brigitte Bardot. Katharine Hepburn. And now add to that list of female icons, @lilbabybytch. On the second to last day of Women’s History Month, this fearless woman leaned in and broke a whole new barrier: the first woman to buttchug Mountain Dew.

Mean2Mean

How’s the audacity of this chick to come out with “you must be a grower, not a shower”, then later say “don’t be mean, I wasn’t mean to you…” when he fires back. If girls get to put make up on before. Guys should be able to warm up a bit before.

Bobby

Holy sh*t those intros are getting weirder and weirder. A misstep during a late-night five-way in Las Vegas ends with Bobby Lee driving his friend to the hospital at 6am.

RobRob2

Newly released video shows the moment a man tried to rob a bank before he was fatally shot. The security guard behind the shot, Brian Harrison, will not be charged and is being called a hero. “There is no doubt in my mind the actions of Brian Harrison saved the lives of those that were employees in the Alpine Bank location on that date and saved his own life,” said Joe Bruscato of the Winnebago Co. State’s Attorney. The robber, who was on drugs at the time, was shot twice and died at the scene.

Nude2Nude

Aussie radio hosts Kyle Sandilands and Jackie ‘O’ Henderson from KIIS FM launched a naked dating game show and, to be honest, it all went quite well. Singles Danielle and Richie appeared on the show, rocking up in robes, before quickly being told to take them off. “Slide his robe off his shoulders and tell us what you think of the bloke,” Kyle says in what has to be the most awkward moment of that woman’s life. Shout out to the person holding the mic too.

UpUp2

But…I like Big Macs. I just want to say on behalf of 99% of men, we don’t care how it looks, the other 1% are f**ken idiots. Appearing on the BBC Documentary “My Unusual Vagina” Antonio described her vagina as looking like a ‘Big Mac’, with labia that hangs down 4 inches from her vagina. The documentary delves into the world of corrective labiaplasty where people have surgery on their genitals to correct so-called deformities.

RIP

This is a just a ritual at Rikers Island. It’s out of respect. They believe the rat will be surrounded buy 72 unopened cheese wheels in the after life. I can’t even begin to imagine the viruses in that prison rodent though. The dude dancing around and screaming in the background made my day.

Fight

Shout out to the dudes trying to bring back The Jerry Springer Show like it’s 1998. There’s nothing like showing the crowd of onlookers a quick flash of your asshole while you punch a bitch in the face. If that aint white trash, I don’t know what is. What a fun crowd. What a fantastic night.

Nipple2Nipple

For most people, having a wardrobe malfunction on television during the Super Bowl can be a horrendous ordeal (just ask Janet Jackson). For supermodel Chrissy Teigen, who’s gone nude on a number of occasions, these kinds of ordeals seem to be taken in stride.

LickLick2Lick3

This app gave me an ear infection. And a second date! – 4/5 stars. I highly recommend getting the extra Anus DLC bonus pack. My phone started vibrating (throbbing?) heavily while I was licking it. For a moment I thought I made my phone orgasm. Turns out my mum wants me to pick up some milk on the way home.

PaintPaint2

A model walked down a busy high street in a painted top to see if anyone would notice her bare chest. Body paint artist Sarah Ashleigh spent two hours painting the fake top on Kelly Klein for the MailOnline experiment. The model was then sent for a stroll down London’s Kensington High Street to see how passers-by would react to her unusual outfit. Kelly’s attire – or lack of – attracted far more attention than the spray-on jeans she sported for a similar test last month.